KEVIN FITZGIBBON
My Journey of Discovery: MY Life Tools
MY GOAL IS TO HELP OTHERS THAT ARE FEELING ALONE
Life is like a rollercoaster, full of twists and turns that keep us on our toes. Sometimes we soar high with joy, while other times we plummet into deep lows. It's always changing, never staying the same for too long.
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I've always been curious about life and how it works. I find it fascinating to talk to different people and hear their perspectives. Each person seems to hold a piece of the puzzle, sharing their own insights and experiences. Through these conversations, I've learned that everyone has their own unique way of understanding life.
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One thing I've discovered is that understanding yourself is crucial. It's like having a map to navigate the ups and downs of life. I've always been a problem solver, so naturally, I've tried to figure out the secret to living a happy and fulfilling life.
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I don't claim to have all the answers, but I've stumbled upon some helpful tools along the way. They've helped me cope with life's challenges and navigate its uncertainties. I'm not an expert by any means; I'm just someone who's still figuring it all out.
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So, if you're wondering why you should listen to me, I get it. I'm not some guru with all the wisdom in the world. I'm just a regular person, like you, sharing my thoughts and experiences. Consider me a friend offering a helping hand on this journey called life.
THE POWER OF VULNERABILITY
Being vulnerable has become increasingly difficult in our modern era, marked by technological advancements and the omnipresence of social media. The convenience of technology at our fingertips has enabled us to create a façade, presenting ourselves and our lives in a way that may not reflect our true selves or the struggles we endure. This disconnection from honesty and authenticity has resulted in a society where genuine connections are scarce. If no one is willing, to be honest, how can people truly connect with one another?
It begs the question: are we all merely projecting a life that doesn't align with who we truly are or how we genuinely feel? Are we all striving to emulate what we see on social media, believing it to be the standard by which everyone lives?
It is time to let go of the expectations imposed upon us and embrace our true selves. The journey towards genuine connection begins within ourselves. It requires wholeheartedly embracing vulnerability, having the courage to be imperfect, and showing compassion towards ourselves first. We cannot give others what we do not possess ourselves: self-love, acceptance of our flaws, understanding, and a positive outlook.
Once we have achieved this self-acceptance, we can begin to forge honest and authentic relationships with others, where we feel truly seen and heard. This kind of connection can only be cultivated through vulnerability. It takes the willingness to say "I love you" first, to invest in a relationship without guarantees, and to share our deepest fears and desires. By being vulnerable, we create a space where others can do the same.
It is important to acknowledge that everyone carries their own burdens of shame, and the less we talk about it, the more it weighs upon us. Sharing our innermost struggles with others may be daunting, but vulnerability is the key. It is through vulnerability that we can foster deep connections. It is the gateway to genuine joy, creativity, belonging, and love.
Remember, you are not alone in your experiences. Whatever issues or problems you may be facing, someone else has likely gone through something similar. We are all navigating life's challenges, and reaching out for help can lead to acceptance and understanding. Allowing yourself, to be honest, paves the way for others to do the same.
One of life's most precious moments is when the clock strikes 3:00 am, and you find yourself on the couch with friends after a night out. In those raw and unguarded moments, true conversations unfold. It is during these times that we can shed the masks society has imposed upon us and open up, just as we did when we were children. As children, we didn't judge others based on material possessions or social status. We simply sought companionship, laughter, and genuine connections.
It all begins with being vulnerable with yourself and then extending that vulnerability to the people in your life. You may be surprised by how many people reciprocate and reveal their own vulnerabilities.
Personally, I feel incredibly fortunate to have cultivated such authentic connections with the people in my life. These relationships have enriched my life and allowed me to witness the beauty that lies within each individual.
In conclusion, in a world where technology often encourages us to hide our true selves, vulnerability emerges as the antidote. By embracing vulnerability, both with ourselves and with others, we can dismantle the barriers that prevent genuine connections. It is through vulnerability that we find our true selves, build deep relationships, and create a more compassionate and empathetic world
BALANCE
THE 7 STYROFOAM CUPS METHOD
RELATIONSHIPS
MIND
BODY
SOUL
HEALTH
CAREER
CAREER
I've encountered the idea of life balance in various places, including advice from my uncle, who emphasized the importance of not fixating on a single aspect of life. He often referred to it as 'taking care of business,' something I'd been avoiding due to unfounded fears. On the flip side, it's crucial to savor life and have fun, which I may have done a bit too much of. Finding balance had eluded me for a while. I came across a concept that highlighted seven key aspects: mind, body, soul, health, career, community, and relationships. It was described as a glass of water that requires constant refilling because overemphasizing one area can lead to others being neglected.
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This idea made me envision it as a science experiment. Imagine you have seven Styrofoam cups, received at birth, and the goal is to keep them filled. However, there's a unique threshold for each cup depending on your personality and habits. You identify and mark this threshold with a Sharpie on each cup.
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Now, the challenge is to maintain the water level in each cup at those marked lines; otherwise, your life balance goes awry. Think of it as trying to fill these cups with water from a jug.
Sounds easy, right? You fill each cup to its line, and you're good to go. But here's the twist: before you start filling, you poke a hole in the bottom of each cup. As you fill your relationship cup to the desired level, you switch to your career cup, and you notice your relationship cup is nearly half empty. You go back to fill it, but now your career cup is draining.
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This experiment's moral is clear. Just because you fill a cup to your satisfaction line doesn't mean it stays that way. Each cup requires ongoing attention, and you can't over-focus on one at the expense of the others. The challenge lies in maintaining all seven styrofoam cups at the levels you desire.
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This is the ongoing challenge of life that can never be fully solved. It's the perpetual puzzle we strive to improve, but there's no simple fix like putting tape over the holes; they continue to drain when left unattended.
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Remember, it's okay if all your cups aren't at the desired levels right now; some may need more attention than others. We're all constantly working to get better at keeping them filled.
BOOK ABOUT YOUR LIFE
I made the decision to write a book about my life, breaking it down into chapters that represent the different stages of who I've been. In each chapter, I discover a different version of myself.
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Initially, I believed I had fallen into a hole while living in San Diego, struggling financially and feeling lost. My plan was to return to Portland and find a way out of it. But as I began writing this book, I came to realize that this hole had roots reaching further back than I had initially recognized. From an external perspective, I doubt anyone really saw it, and perhaps I didn't either. In 2019, I graduated from college, and many probably thought, "Wow, Kevin has turned his life around from what he went through in high school, earning his GED and graduating from college. That's amazing." At the time, I thought so too. However, while working on this book, I realized that I had merely been ignoring my past, pretending it didn't exist anymore. I convinced myself that I was different from who I used to be and that I had it all figured out. In doing so, I silenced the voice of the younger Kevin and locked away the trauma and hardship I had experienced as a child when I felt isolated and misunderstood. I thought I could reinvent myself as though my earlier years had never occurred and wouldn't affect me anymore. I was wrong.
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As I delved into writing this book, I began to recall forgotten memories from my past. I could vividly visualize events as if they happened yesterday. This process was exceptionally challenging, and it led me down a dark path. But I knew I had to do it in order to learn from my past and understand each situation I had faced. It was a way to reconnect with my past selves, letting them know that even though we may not have had too many people to support us back then, I am here now, listening.
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This introspective journey prompted me to ask myself who I want to become in the next chapter of my life. It's clear that the chapter I am currently in must come to an end, and I am ready for the next one. As I reflected, I found myself asking not only my present self but each past version of Kevin from my various life chapters: What did Kevin want back then? Who did he aspire to be? What did he love doing, and what brought him happiness? I started making a list, recognizing the common threads that have mattered to me throughout my life, forming a vision of who I can strive to be in my next chapter.
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Writing this book has enabled me to open the closet where I had stored my skeletons, bringing them into the light and understanding myself better. Traumas don't disappear, but by shining a light on them and acquiring the tools to handle them, we can move forward. It's important to note that trauma can be addressed only when we're at the right stage with the necessary resources, and there may be new traumas that I'm aware of but not yet in the right place to confront.
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Furthermore, this process allowed me to align the different Kevins I've been in the past, who I am presently, and who I aspire to become in the future. It has provided me with a profound self-understanding.
INPUT VERSUS OUTPUT
EMPHASIZING INPUT, NOT OUTPUT
INPUT
OUTPUT
I've undergone a transformation in my perspective. I no longer invest an excessive amount of energy into the final outcomes because I've realized they often lie beyond my control. Relying on them for my emotional state usually led to disappointment when they didn't align with my expectations.
Instead of considering the input as a burdensome task, I've shifted my mindset to take pride in it. For example, exercise is no longer about just looking better; it's about feeling better, and I take pride in the simple act of doing it. This shift has allowed me to feel proud of myself, irrespective of whether I achieved the specific outcomes I initially aimed for. I've learned to cherish the beauty in the process, appreciating the input, which we frequently overlook while fixating on the end results.
This newfound perspective extends to various aspects of life, including dating. Instead of obsessing over the potential of a first date to lead to a serious relationship, I've come to appreciate the experience of getting to know someone, sharing a meal, and enjoying their company. This shift has helped me reduce stress and concentrate on the present, focusing on what I can control and taking pride in the efforts I put into everything I do.
THE GRAPH OF LIFE
I BEGAN CREATING GRAPHS TO ENHANCE MY UNDERSTANDING OF LIFE, AND THE FIRST ONE I'VE NAMED "THE LIFE CURVE"
The life curve is one of the three aspects you cannot control. It resembles a rollercoaster, and you never know where it will take you next, whether it's good or bad. It's characterized by randomness, and attempting to control it is futile. You must allow it to run its course and not depend on it. It’s a game of chance
THE SECOND CURVE IS KNOW AS THE "HAPPINESS CURVE."JUST LIKE THE FIRST ONE, THIS IS ALSO SOMETHING YOU CAN'T RELY ON.
It too takes the shape of a rollercoaster, and you can't predict where it's headed next. This graph illustrates hours, revealing how your happiness can fluctuate throughout the day, but it can also mirror a year, maintaining a similar pattern. You simply can't rely on happiness because it's something that ebbs and flows.
THE FINAL CURVE THAT IS UNRELIABLE IS THE "MOTIVATION CURVE."
Similar to the Happiness Curve, the Motivation Curve resembles a rollercoaster with its ups and downs. It can also exhibit yearly patterns. Just like with happiness, you can't rely on motivation throughout your day or year to achieve your goals. It's too unpredictable.
THIS LINE IS DEPENDABLE, AND IT'S KNOWN AS THE JOY LINE
This is the substitute for the unreliable Happiness Curve. While joy and happiness might appear similar to some, they are distinct. Happiness is fleeting and can lead to disappointment if pursued constantly. You must let it be. Joy, on the other hand, is different. You can integrate joy into your daily life. Instead of following the fluctuating Happiness Curve, you can maintain a consistent Joy Line. You also have the freedom to determine the level of joy you desire and make adjustments accordingly. A significant aspect is finding the good in your everyday life and discovering joy even in less enjoyable moments. For example, Doordashing may not be enjoyable for me, but listening to my favorite podcast on Mondays or exploring new music on Fridays, and savoring my preferred coffee are ways I can cultivate joy within myself.
THIS LINE IS DEPENDABLE, AND IT'S KNOWN AS THE DISCIPLINE
We all have daily tasks and responsibilities that we need or want to accomplish regularly. There are times when our motivation hits an all-time low, and it becomes difficult to rely solely on our motivation to get things done. In such moments, having a strong sense of discipline is crucial to push ourselves to complete these tasks – it's what I like to call 'handling your business line.' Embracing this approach allows for consistent productivity throughout the day. Personally, this has been one of my most significant challenges to put into practice.
THE HAPPINESS CURVE AND JOY LINE TOGETHER
You can observe that the Happiness Curve reaches higher levels but also experiences significant lows, constantly adjusting. In contrast, the Joy Line remains consistently stable throughout the day. However, they complement each other. The Joy Line acts as a life vest for your day. At times, you may not need it, while in other moments, it's there to support and uplift you.
The Sweet spot of these two combined graphs
There's a sweet spot that makes you feel like everything is perfectly in sync, where all the gears turn harmoniously. This sweet spot is when your happiness is at its peak, and the Joy Line you've established keeps you at a good capacity. This supportive line still lets you enjoy the peaks of the Happiness Curve while preventing you from dipping into the danger zone
The Motivational Curve and the Discipline Line
There's a sweet spot that makes you feel like everything is perfectly in sync, where all the gears turn harmoniously. This sweet spot is when your happiness is at its peak, and the Joy Line you've established keeps you at a good capacity. This supportive line still lets you enjoy the peaks of the Happiness Curve while preventing you from dipping into the danger zone
The Sweet Spot and the Danger Zone
Similar to the Happiness Curve and Joy Line, this graph conveys a similar message. Having the Discipline Line in place prevents us from falling into the danger zone, ensuring we can achieve our daily and yearly goals with proper planning. However, when our motivation is at its peak and our discipline line is there, that's the sweet spot where you feel highly motivated and disciplined, achieving the most.
When you examine this graph, you can see that relying solely on motivation leads to completing tasks only during the hours of high motivation, leaving you unproductive during the low motivation hours. In contrast, the discipline line ensures productivity throughout your day.
Overall, I've discovered that these installed lines provide better control over the curves and help me reach their peaks more frequently.
SELF COMPANY THEORY
Description:
Ability to apply a company structure to your own life. Manage your life as a business, using business methods and measures. You are the CEO and your life is your company. If your life were a company, how would it do?
Example:
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Every morning, hold a meeting before you begin your day. This is a meeting with you to discuss your mission and goals for the day.
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Focus on the small details.
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Each Sunday, take the time to reflect on what you achieved and what you did not accomplish during the week. By doing so, you will be able to plan for the next week and correct any errors.
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Resource Allocation:
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What does your company’s schedule look like?
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Every company has a limited number of resources at its disposal. When you have a certain amount of resources, the most difficult part is deciding how to allocate them. People, like companies, must determine where they want to allocate their resources. Our time is the most valuable resource that we all possess. Each of us has only 24 hours in a day and what we do with them is entirely up to us. Do we want to devote eight hours to sleep? Is it possible to sleep for only six hours and utilize the other two hours for more productive activities? You are the CEO, so it is up to you.
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It is critical to allocate your resources in a way that will make a difference in your life, as you would in a business. Use your resources for things that will benefit you and make you grow.
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This is an example of how you can allocate your resources to certain events. If necessary, you can make adjustments and customize them to suit your needs.
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You can have one for the weekdays and one for the weekend. You will have more time off work during the weekend to participate in more activities. This will vary for each individual.
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Invest in long-term motivators and not short-term motivators:
Can I benefit long-term from playing video games? Or will it simply reduce my stress levels? I find video games to be beneficial to my mental health because they reduce my stress, but that is all that they accomplish. Would exercising be a more effective alternative? As a result, I am less stressed, but I am also in better physical shape. This has long-term effects since it can also lead to other things like having more confidence and feeling better about myself. It is a trickle-down effect from my realization that I can exercise instead of playing video games.
We must also have some short-term motivators that are enjoyable. This is good for you. However, do not rely on them entirely.
What do your Morning meetings and Reflection meetings contain:
Morning meetings:
This is the time when you will discuss what your day will entail. We all strive to be better than we are, but sometimes we get caught up in routines and life has so much going on that we forget to take time out for ourselves and to evaluate our progress toward being the best that we can be. By bringing it up every morning in meetings and setting goals, an organization ensures that it improves its performance. You will as well.
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What’s your mission for the day
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Your To-Do List
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What do you want to complete
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Who do you want to be
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What do you want to work on for the day
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Being more reliable
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More self-discipline
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Go over your notebook
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In your notebook, you will have a page of “Who you want to be” which consists of all the things that you want to be
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Optimistic
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Resilient
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Someone who doesn’t give up
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Doesn’t let stress get to them
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Goals (long term & short term)
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To-Do List
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Quotes that motivate you
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Reflection meeting:
Every Sunday, this meeting will take place. This week, you will examine what you did well and what you did not do well during the week. You will examine how you can improve and whether or not you are on track with your long-term goals. To achieve your goals, you must ensure that you are heading in the right direction.
MAKE YOUR SCHEDULE
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